Lifes quick and it can pass you by in a flash. Blink and you will miss it. Days. Weeks. Months. There goes another year.
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Being more aware. Being more present. For me provides a peace. A calm in the storm that can be life.
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Practicing being in the now. What are we doing this moment. Concentrate and appreciate. Its what I try to teach. Try to pass onto all my athletes. All my swimmers. Focus on intentions for the immediate future. Dial your emotions into the next few seconds.
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Looking too forward can cause fear. Fear is debilitating. Fear causes panic. Fear is discomfort. Fear is unease. The unknown. The yet to be written..Fear!!!.
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To take control of the future you have to make decisions based upon where you are now not where you think you may be in say 10 days time. Projecting your feelings and emotions into the future is impossible. I don’t have a crystal ball. I don’t have a pack of Tarot cards. But one thing I do know and that’s what is happening this instant. This next second. That’s all I have to deal with right now so that makes things much more managable.
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Trying to deal with all lifes problems at once. Thats no good. Take a breath. Relax. You never know an intuitive thought or action will come in. Try to force it and you will crash and burn.
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Safe swimming folks. Pop your goggles on. Put your head back and just feel the now. MH🤗
Category: Recovery
Moving through lockdown
Moving through lockdown. Transitioning through another phase in life. Always looking forward. Growth. Development. Expansion. Not only for the business but for my mind and body.
To me it’s important to work on myself. Test my abilities as a human being. Push my brain. Expand my mental strength. The world turns and I cannot keep still. I may well fall off.
Looking to the future it’s not clear. It’s still to be written. My actions today will influence that outcome. They dictate the next day, week and years ahead.
Do I go left? Hummm. Do I turn Right? Lets see. Or proceed straight ahead? The ever present T- junction of life.
Whatever the choice I make, it’s moving and that’s the most important thing.
Today I am the product of my past. I am here and where I am today because of no one but me. The decisions I make in the next second, the coming minutes and hours will shape my future. I am my own destiny in the making and that’s really exciting.
Safe swimming folks. Work hard. Dream big. Believe in yourself and stand by your actions. There can be no regrets. After all, it was my choice.
NB.Addiction/Alcoholism is an illness. When you are so sick there can seem no way out. No life beyond the next fix, drink hi or low. To be offered an alternative to a life so broken that to stay is more appealing than the unknown of the alternative. I speak freely of my destroyed past life and into my recovery years. Of my life beyond the tipping point. Beyond the dark clouds and into a clear dawn. It took me 39 years to see and believe there was an alternative to taking my own life. 39 years where I wreaked havoc and chaos, hurt and lost. I wouldn’t wish suicidal thoughts on anyone and the lead up to that is certainly no party either. Please please SHARE this post so it may help someone somewhere see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This illness doesn’t have to be taken all the way to the depths of hell. You can get off the speeding train before it gets to that station. There is an alternative. There is another life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who SHARE and please leave an Emoji of your choice to bring some joy to the day. T
Happy Sobriety Birthday to me!
Massive thank you and lots of love to all those that have supported me throughout my time on this planet. .
Safe swimming folks. It helps clean the mind. MH🤗
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Please Please Share this post to highlight a life beyond drink and drugs and also that disposing of your waste in the Ocean is a massive NO NO. thank you!!
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#leavenotrace
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Picture my man @theopenwaterphotographer
being a ledge as always.
The Ocean kick started my recovery. It peeled back layers of me that I never knew even existed.Before I even came into recovery I had a feeling. An inkling that I was different out there. Something I just couldn’t quite put my finger on it. I felt like I needed it though. Somewhere maybe to escape the demons. To wash away my sins to be cleansed of my affliction and somewhere beyond the crowds to make the pain go away. To silence my head. I was dark and depressed and out there it seemed to soften the blow. Open Water Swimming opened my eyes to a world beyond the confines of land. Beyond the restrictions of boundaries, borders, economic restraints and social restrictions. It opened up a world to me of infinite possibilities, an ever changing landscape where anything can go. It helped me to adapt, to be flexible. It taught me respect, gave me confidence and i’ve experienced highs that no amount of drinking or drugging ever reached.Most days it hands me out a whipping though. It beats me up. Rolls me around. It’s the boss and not even me can change that and I love it. The healing properties of the ocean. The kinetic energy, A driving force. Tides and time. The ebb and the flow. The powerful currents that circle our planet. Keeping our system moving. Ever changing. It binds us. Powers us. It cleans and brings us life. The planet is 70% blue. As a human I am 60% water. Hell 375million years ago I was even a fish. I rest there and play there. I work. I think, I action, I escape and I reset.The sea offered a staging ground for my head. An area for my feelings to be free. For my mind to occupy a space that allows it to be loose. To roam. To spread its wings.To this day I’m still not sure whether I found it or the Ocean came for me. But what I do know is that it’s kept me sane. It set me free. It saved my life and I owe it big time!Safe swimming folks. Always take your rubbish with you because that just happens to be someone or something’s home out there. Thank you. MHThis message is super important for all of us who care about our Oceans so Please Share to your Groups and click www.instagram.com/theopenwaterswimmingcoach to give me a Follow on Insta. TY
Struggling with the past. Wrestling with the future. The insanity of that first drink. That first drug. That initial reaction. No control. The obsession.The gut wrenching turmoil of keeping it at arms wrench. The push and pull of body and mind. The battle of wills and I always lost. Or was there never a winner. Picking up again was inevitable. Popping open another can was always going to happen. The next bottle of wine was on the cards. The full strength cider yes. A Joint a given. The beer, the champagne, the prosecco and the pimms. Whatever it was that day.I would fight it, yes. The never again was always in my head. Oh but to change the way I feel. To take away my pain. So powerful when I was so powerless.I thought I had control of my drinking. My drugging. I thought I had a measure on it. That I was the boss. A day without. A week. Hey sometimes a few months. No problem.False. Fake news. It had a grip on me and no amount of abstinence was gonna stop it. No will power strong enough. No support system, phone calls, groups or text messages would make the thinking go away.I knew it would hurt. I knew I would disappoint. I knew I would wake to the oh shit not again. Checking my car for a dink. A scuff on my knee. A sore elbow. If you were lucky the face of a disgusted partner, husband, wife, dog. The trashed kitchen. The stone over and my heaving lungs. My foggy head. The promise of never again. The promise of that was the last time. Promise to myself. Promise to whoever needed to hear it. To make them believe it. Oh and I did mean it. I honestly did.It always came back. Always harder. Always progressing.The insanity. The repeating of the same action expecting a different outcome.Freedom from the obsession now is bliss. No agony. No debilitating invisible pain. No wrestling match with myself prior to calling it in. Before popping to the shops. No internal torture chamber tearing myself in half. Shall I shan’t I. Oh the mess. Oh the suffering. The anguish. Oh my mind. Just out of it! It’s not like that today. Today I have freedom. Freedom from the obsession allows time for other things to come in. Allows for a life that I only dreamt about. Only ever read in books. Only ever seen in movies. In fact what came in was a life beyond my wildest dreams.Safe swimming folks. Dream big. If you do see the light and with a bit of hard work you may end up just living it.. MH.NB. Addiction/Alcoholism is an illness. When you are so sick there can seem no way out. No life beyond the next fix, drink hi or low. To be offered an alternative to a life so broken that to stay is more appealing than the unknown of the alternative. I speak freely of my destroyed life and into my recovery years. Of my life beyond the tipping point. Beyond the dark clouds and into a clear dawn. It took me 39 years to see and believe there was an alternative to taking my own life. 39 years where I wreaked havoc and chaos, hurt and lost. I wouldn’t wish suicidal thoughts on anyone and the lead up to that is certainly no party either. .Please please Share this post to your groups so it may help someone somewhere see that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. This illness doesn’t have to be taken all the way to the depths of hell. You can get off the speeding train before it gets to that station. There is an alternative. There is another life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all those who Share and please leave an Emoji of your choice to bring some joy to the day. THANK YOU.Please follow over here on insta for more www.instagram.com/theopenwaterswimmingcoach
6 years ago I was bonkers.
I look back on pictures of myself. Of times before the clarity. Times before my recovery. I feel sad for the me there in those pictures. I feel sorry for him. It upsets me to see it. To see someone so low. So down. So utterly alone. I just want to hug that person. Tell them that it will be ok. I was carrying the burden of addiction and alcoholism on such small shoulders. I see myself dying a slow painful death of everyday slipping further and deeper into the grave. It brings me to tears. I wanted to be taken away. I sought out death. I willed it. There was no point in living. To die was to be free.Â
To wake again was a disappointment. Oh to live through another day a disaster. Please no not again. I needed help but I had nowhere to go. No one to turn too. No clue or idea. Just talked to myself. Run a few thoughts through own head. My illness centred in the mind. I was fuc£ing Mental. Mental Health was never words I had heard of back then. Mental Health was for someone else. That wasn’t me. I’m just fine as I am. To hear it discussed. To listen to it talked about. There is hope. There is someone who cares. Someone who may help. A point in the right direction. A friendly hand on the shoulder. A recognition in others, a message of hope. Of life beyond the torment. Beyond the barriers. A path through the nightmares and a trail of breadcrumbs out of the not so enchanted forest. I talk about my mental illness. My experience (where I was) My strength. (what I did). My Hope. (where I am now). I carry this message to give back. To show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a clear day beyond the thunderstorms. Where there is hope there is life. And that’s a life that’s certainly a better option than death.Only I could save myself. I just needed to see that light. Be offered a glimmer of hope. That small glint of daylight through the eternity of that black out blind. Safe swimming folks. If possible grab life with both hands. Give it a chance at least. Hell even give me a bell if you want.You have one go at this.MH🤗
For me winning at the mental health game is long term. It’s not a sprint. A 100 meter dash or a quick 50m in the pool. Its forever.
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It’s a lifetime of marathons without a finish line. The white tape at the end. The rosset of first place may never come. But it’s a battle I fight anyway.
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It’s a cause and a struggle I stand toe to toe with. I give it no mercy.
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Without positive action I’ll be squashed and crushed where I lay.
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I sometimes fear the next hour. Dread the day ahead or of the sleep and dreams that may come.
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I cannot bury myself away. I cannot shy away and be taken by my demons. By my head. Today I have choices. I draw the line in the sand.
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Today I choose to fight.
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Safe swimming folks..be brave.. be bold.. and most importantly just be yourself. MH🤗
After Friday and well after my recovery. I could have taken on Tyson. I felt that good, that pumped. Realisation then that nothing could stand between me and my ultimate goal.
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This was a calculated swim done under controlled conditions with one sole purpose behind it.. Confidence confidence confidence..
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This wasn’t a throwaway blast with no thought about my own safety. 23 minutes in sub 6 degrees for me is no laughing matter its a serious business.
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I felt amazing, I felt strong and my mind pushed my body to a point where I needed to be cared for. Thats what we planned for and thats what happened. Job done. The recovery was a dream. Some dark flash backs. A bad B movie being played out through the slit in my dry robe. Thank God for black outs I say.
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I needed to build myself up. To boost my levels. To feel that flow. That feeling. To experience something so traumatic and to come through it. I overcame my demons and conquered.
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For me to take on the Bay this Saturday. I needed it. I had to lay it all on the line or just give up.
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I’m ready to fight now. Ready to stand toe to toe confident that I can give it my best shot with a decent chance of success. Before I was nothing. Now I’ll smash the life out of it like I just smashed the life out of myself.
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Self belief. Winning before I even start.
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PS. Massive massive thank you to the person that took care of me on Friday making me safe and sound in my hour of need. 💜 I couldn’t and wouldn’t have done it without you. #teamhawkes , which without, none of what I want to achieve is possible. Thanks for being there and believing in me.
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Roll on Saturday and Link in Bio for full details of Swim.. MH🤗.