6 years ago I was bonkers.

I look back on pictures of myself. Of times before the clarity. Times before my recovery. I feel sad for the me there in those pictures. I feel sorry for him. It upsets me to see it. To see someone so low. So down. So utterly alone. I just want to hug that person. Tell them that it will be ok. I was carrying the burden of addiction and alcoholism on such small shoulders.  I see myself dying a slow painful death of everyday slipping further and deeper into the grave. It brings me to tears. I wanted to be taken away. I sought out death. I willed it. There was no point in living. To die was to be free. 
To wake again was a disappointment. Oh to live through another day a disaster. Please no not again. I needed help but I had nowhere to go. No one to turn too. No clue or idea. Just talked to myself. Run a few thoughts through own head. My illness centred in the mind. I was fuc£ing Mental. Mental Health was never words I had heard of back then. Mental Health was for someone else. That wasn’t me. I’m just fine as I am. To hear it discussed. To listen to it talked about. There is hope. There is someone who cares. Someone who may help. A point in the right direction. A friendly hand on the shoulder. A recognition in others, a message of hope. Of life beyond the torment. Beyond the barriers. A path through the nightmares and a trail of breadcrumbs out of the not so enchanted forest. I talk about my mental illness. My experience (where I was) My strength. (what I did). My Hope. (where I am now). I carry this message to give back. To show that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There is a clear day beyond the thunderstorms. Where there is hope there is life. And that’s a life that’s certainly a better option than death.Only I could save myself. I just needed to see that light. Be offered a glimmer of hope. That small glint of daylight through the eternity of that black out blind. Safe swimming folks. If possible grab life with both hands. Give it a chance at least. Hell even give me a bell if you want.You have one go at this.MH🤗